Les Movies!

During this whole exciting tour of duty I got wondering if there were any good film adaptations of Les Miserables out there. Out of the literally dozens of versions there have been over the years I managed to get my hands on 4 different films, two French, one British and one American from 1958, 1978, 1998 and 2000 all with a combined runtime of nearly 15 hours.

I have literally been consumed by Les Miserables this past month; I’ve had it coming out of my ears! Here’s what I thought of the four movies, now let me move on to another project! (I’m not including the stage musical by the way, it’s not a movie and it sucks as an adaptation anyway!)

This was the oldest version I could find, it’s from 1958 and runs at 3 hours and 41 minutes (and if you think that’s long, you aint seen nothing yet!). This version was in French which I thought was cool but unfortunately the version I saw was dubbed in English which wasn’t bad it’s just that I prefer subtitles to dubbing in foreign films.  It had everything from the book in it though, and I mean everything! Like it included Marius’s backstory and also included the fact that Gavroche is one of the Thenardiers, two things that are left out of the other versions I saw.

Obviously things were shortened down quite a bit but this was a damn near perfect adaptation in my opinion. Although I don’t know if it was because it’s from the 50’s or it was because of the dubbing but I felt that some of the acting was kinda flat, It didn’t get me very hyped up at what was happening and that kinda sucked. I thought the guy playing Jean Valjean was pretty good though.

I can’t really say much more about this version because it came out way before my time and has no one in it that I know of, (I find it easier to judge films if I’m familiar with the actors) but it’s old, and old films are cool! I probably wouldn’t watch this version again though, it’s kinda long and it does drag at some points.

 This version is a British TV movie from 1978 and runs at 2 hours and 30 minutes. This one starred Anthony Perkins as Javert which I thought was so cool! It’s the guy from ‘Psycho’, awesome! The rest of the movie was only OK though, nothing to get really excited about, I thought the guy playing Valjean did a good job especially with some of the emotional stuff, but most of the other characters were played fairly bland, especially Cosette.

There was a lot left out of this version, for instance it only had one scene with the Thenardiers and no Eponine at all, you can’t leave out Eponine, she’s important! And by leaving out the Thenardiers you take a lot of the tension out of the story, Plus if you take out the Thenardiers you have to shoe horn in another way of getting Marius and Cosette together and then the story just drifts too far from the book, and that didn’t work for me.

It did have a bunch of stuff that the other versions left out though, like this one had scenes of Valjean before he went to jail and it showed his sister and her family, plus this version is the only one I’ve seen that had that STUPID coffin scene in it that pissed me off so much from the book, and I still thought it was bullshit!

Also weirdly this version went for a happy ending, it didn’t end with Valjean dying it ended with the wedding of Marius and Cosette and everyone was happy. Ummmm no, you can’t end it like that, it’s called Les Miserables, you can’t end it with everyone being happy!

This version is Americas attempt at the book; it’s from 1998 and runs at 2 hours and 14 minutes. It stars Liam Neeson, Geoffrey Rush and Claire Danes as Valjean, Javert and Cosette.

This one was probably the one I liked most out of all four and yet this one was the one that had the least to do with the book, like the ’78 version this one left tons out, minimal Thenardiers again and no Eponine, seriously why does everyone hate Eponine? Also this version seemed to combine most of the student characters into the character of Marius which didn’t really fit with the Marius from the book, although I did like this Marius more than the book version. Still it took away all the passion from the other students by making it focused on just the one guy instead of the entire group of lads and I didn’t like that.

This one also went for a happy ending again like the ’78 film, well actually now I think about it it wasn’t happy or sad, it just sort of ended. Lots of things were left unanswered in this version.

I think I liked this one the most because it actually made Cosette into a proper character instead of just portraying her as a lovesick puppy. This Cosette did something that no other Cosette does, SHE ASKED QUESTIONS! She actually seemed more like a strong confident woman instead of this dumbass that went blindly along with everything that was going on around her, she actually demanded answers from Valjean and I really liked that.

I felt this version was more about the relationship between Valjean, Cosette and Marius than being about Les Miserables as a whole; it didn’t make it a bad film though it just made it a bad adaptation of the book. As a film on it’s own it works OK, It's entertaining enough, it’s something I would probably watch again, but as an adaptation of Les Miserables i think it fails.

This version is another French production, it’s a mini-series from 2000 and stars Gerard Depardieu and John Malkovich as Valjean and Javert and it runs for 6 hours in total, 6 fucking hours!!! I don’t think this was intended to be watched in one go but I did anyway (Yes I really have nothing better to do)

This version was epic! It had everything; it was in French which gave it added awesomeness, it had the majority of characters from the book included and for an adaptation of the book very little was left out. In fact I think it added more stuff than it took away. Why would you even need to add anything to Les Miserables, it’s big enough as it is! Still this version seemed to pull it off.

Every character in this version was done perfectly, the Thenardiers were exactly like the nasty scum they are in the book and even so I still was able to feel a bit of sympathy for them, Eponine was the best I’ve seen her in any adaptation, this one was properly dark and devious, plus she got to interact with Cosette a few times which I thought was lacking in the book. Javert was brilliant too, so cold and unfeeling, even Marius came off as less of a twat as in other versions.

If I had to point out some bad things about this version I’d have to say that firstly I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the relationship between Valjean and Cosette, there were a few scenes where it was bordering on creepy again, secondly there's something about Gerard Depardieu that creeps me out, not just in this film, just him in general, i don't know why. And finally at 6 hours this version is kind of long to be properly enjoyable, but if you’re looking for sheer epicness then this is the version you should definitely see if you get the chance.

 

There doesn’t seem to be a happy medium when it comes to adapting Les Miserables, they’re either gonna be long as fuck or there’s gonna be too much stuff that’s left out. Maybe there is just no good way to adapt a novel that is longer than time itself onto screen, maybe people should just stop trying!

So which version had the best characters? Which adaptation did I think was the best overall? Here are the ones I thought deserved to win.

• Best Adaptation: Even though I liked the ’98 version more than the others, in terms of adapting the book this has to go to the ’00 version. The sheer epicness of it helps make it one of the better versions. It’s modern so the acting is well done and its French which gives it added authenticness and almost nothing is left out in the entire 6 hour run. It’s definitely one of the best adaptations I’ve seen.
• Best Valjean: I think I’m going to give this to the ’58 Valjean, not really because of the character but mostly because he looked like what I imagined Valjean in the book to look like. All of the Valjeans in the films were pretty good but I think I liked the ’58 one most of all.
• Best Javert: I’m gonna give this to the ’78 version purely because he was played by Anthony Perkins, the ’98 and ’00 ones were fairly cool too but I’m gonna just be totally biased and give it to ’78 because of the awesomeness that is Anthony Perkins. (Shut up it’s my blog I can do what I want!)
• Best Cosette: There’s really no contest here, for me it has to be the ’98 Cosette. She was everything I wanted Cosette to be like in the book, she asked questions and had actual depth to her instead of just being a silly little lovesick girl, in the ‘98 film she finds out about Valjeans past and she’s totally OK with it, in fact she chooses to stay with Valjean of her own free will instead of brooding about Marius all the time. Plus at one point she gets to point a gun at Javert, which was awesome. Even though this Cosette was pretty much the exact opposite of the book version I still liked her more than the others because she actually felt like a proper character rather than just a plot device.
• Best Thenardiers: This isn’t too hard to judge since they only really appeared in two of the versions I saw, this one has to go to the ’00 Thenardiers, they were portrayed exactly like the horrible abusive vile scum that they are in the book but at the same time you really got to know them as people instead of just monsters. Also in that version Mrs Thenardier doesn't die which I liked because that felt like such a cheat in the book, plus i actually thought Mrs Thenardier was kinda hot in that film. (Don't judge me I'm only human!)
• Best Eponine: Again this is not too hard too judge since she only appeared in two versions, this one definitely has to go the ’00 version again. This Eponine had an edge to her, she was really dark and yet still sympathetic at the same time, and she got to interact with Cosette which was interesting because i had wondered what that would have been like in the book. I think Eponine is a very underrated character in film adaptations, there's so much you can do with Eponine so it's a shame so many films decide to leave her out. Also this one had probably the best death scene since the Eponine from the musical.
• Best Marius: FUCK MARIUS! Fuck him in the ear! Sorry but none of the Marius’s really left that much of an impression on me to be honest. OK I suppose the ’58 one was what I imagined Marius to look like, and the ’98 version was nice enough, but I don’t think any of them were better than the others. Sorry Marius, but you suck!
  
  In case you're wondering why i haven't judged any of the Fantines, well it's simple, none of the Fantines ever really appear on screen for enough time for me to form an opinion about them, all of them are very much the same, they all show up and then die quickly! I pretty much forgot that Fantine was even a character by the end of each movie. Poor Fantine, she's so unloved.
   
  So that’s finally it, I am now officially DONE with Les Miserables! My life can now move on to another project! (At least until January when the new movie comes out)
     

Les End! Pages 1193-1201

IT IS FINISHED!!!

I finally finished Les Miserables! Holy crap that took forever.

So what happened in the end, Well...... Cosette and Marius arrive to see Jean Valjean as he's on his death bed, I still don't actually know what he's dying of? I reckon he caught some infection from crawling through the sewers. He cant be dying of old age yet, he's got to be only in his 60's surely. The book says that he's in his 80's but the book is wrong, WRONG! He cant be! he was 55 when he rescued Cosette from the Thenardiers and only ten years has passed since then which was stated very clearly in the book, so he cant be in his 80's, he cant! You fucked up Victor Hugo!
By the way if he is dying from a broken heart, that's really stupid. I don't just mean because it's a ridiculous plot device either, i mean because it's so stupid that he's dying from a broken heart because Cosette left him. First of all Cosette didn't leave him, she got married!! She's not dead Valjean she's still gonna be around you daft prick, also it's his own fault that he's got a broken heart because he's the one who deliberately cut himself off from her.
If a character is dying then at least make it a proper death, not a stupid plot device that was the characters own fault anyway! Fuck You Victor Hugo! 

Anyway, Marius begs Valjean to forgive him for keeping him from Cosette which he does and Valjean promises Marius that the money he left for Cosette was made honestly so he shouldn't feel guilty about using it. Valjean tells Cosette he wants her to have the candlesticks that the Bishop gave to him and that he hopes that the Bishop is pleased with him, he reminisces about Cosette when she was a child for a while and then tells Cosette her mothers name........WAIT!!!!!! TEN YEARS HAVE PASSED AND YOU NEVER TOLD COSETTE HER MOTHERS NAME?????? What the flying fuck??? Surely that should have been one of the first things you told her when she was a kid, how did you never bring it up in all those years? Didn't Cosette ever ask! Sigh................why am i even surprised by this?

So then Valjean asks to be buried in a plain grave and he takes one last look at Cosette and dies happily with his daughter and son in law.

Hmmmm......well that was sweet, a bit underwhelming but sweet. To be honest i think i preferred the ending in the musical. I liked the fact that Fantine appeared again as a kind of angel when Valjean was dying so i was actually a bit disappointed that it wasn't like that in the book. Although i still don't get why Eponine appeared with Fantine as well, Valjean never even had anything to do with Eponine! Still this ending worked just as well, at least Valjean died happily and got to see Cosette one last time, surely that's all we can ask when we die, to be able to be happy and to see our loved ones for the last time. I think Valjean had done all the good he could do, i think he had nothing to feel guilty about anymore, I'm glad he was forgiven and got to make amends with Marius and I'm glad he got to die with Cosette with him. Still i think it's sad that he couldn't live out the rest of his days with her.

 

So that's it! I'm finally finished reading Les Miserables!!!! WOO HOO!!!! This has been the greatest, saddest, most exciting and most awesomely frustrating book I've ever read in my life. Sure there were bits of it that were completely pointless, there were bits that's were mind numbingly boring and that were bits that were fucking disgusting but the rest of it was absolutely brilliant. I'm really glad i read it and surprisingly i actually remember the majority of what happened in it, and i never remember novels so that's really cool. I recommend this book to everyone, everyone should read it at least once in their life.

Thank you Victor Hugo for bringing this book into the world, thank you and FUCK YOU!

Pages 1173-1192

You know the more i think about it the musical version of Les Miserables is a terrible adaptation of this great book, too much is changed and too much is just left out entirely. It's still good for what it is but i don't think it does much credit to the source material.
I think this is the first time in my life I've actually preferred the original book!

So....Marius is still angry at Jean Valjean who is slowly dying from a broken heart after losing Cosette, (Can you really die of a broken heart? you dont see that plot device so much anymore do you? I guess modern medicine really is working!) Meanwhile Mr Thenardier shows up again at Marius's house claiming to know that Valjean is a thief and a murderer and he wants payment for this information.
Apparently at some point since the Thenardiers were arrested by Javert and now Mrs Thenardier died in prison......From what?.....FROM WHAT????? Oh you're not actually gonna tell us what she died of Victor Hugo? Gee I'm so friggin shocked!!!! We get 13 pages about shit but you're not gonna tell us what happened to one of the main characters? Fuck you Victor Hugo!

Sigh.....anyway, Thenardier doesn't know that it was Marius that Valjean was carrying through the sewers when he helped him escape and he tries to convince Marius that Valjean murdered someone by showing him a bloody piece of jacket that he took off the body that day, unfortunately for him Marius kept the jacket and matches the two things. He also shows Marius a newspaper clipping that says that Javert killed himself which finally clears Valjean of any wrongdoing in Marius's mind.

So then basically Marius tells Thenardier that he's a dumbass and that Valjean is a good man, and then he gives Thenardier money in thanks for saving his father at Waterloo which clears him of any debt he owed to Thenardier, then he tells Thenardier to fuck off and never return! HOORAY! Marius finally grows some balls!

Oh and just to round off Thenardiers role in the book we find out that he later moves to America with Azelma to become a slave trader. Uggggggh, as if his character couldn't get any more despicable. (Surprisingly enough that little bit of info was left out of the musical!)

Marius FINALLY realises that Valjean is a good man who always put others before himself and saved his life at the barricades and he tells Cosette that he was wrong to keep him away from her and they rush to go find Valjean before it's too late.

I really fucking hate Marius! Yeah he's finally admitted he was wrong but it's too little too late, he's caused to much damage to Valjean already and now he's gonna die. I hope you're proud of yourself Marius you twat!

Pages 1145-1172

I'm so close to the end of the book right now, Oh My God what am i going to with my life after I'm done?????.......Fuck i forgot about that!

So quick plot update........Jean Valjean reveals who he really is to Marius who is horrified by the news, Marius reluctantly allows Valjean to keep seeing Cosette even though he'd rather have nothing more to do with him but he's being nice to keep Cosette happy, Valjean asks Cosette for her to stop calling him father which she does only after protesting at both her men. Valjean comes for visits every evening but eventually stops coming alltogether, i think he's supposed to be dying from a broken heart or something.

Ugggggh, Marius is being a twat again. I really don't get what his problem is when he finds out who Valjean really is, if he's trying to keep him away from Cosette because he thinks he's too dangerous for her then how dare he try to take the moral fucking high ground! Ummmm Marius, shall i remind you of the incident recently where YOU TRIED TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! Neither of you should be allowed near Cosette in my opinion!
I really don't think Valjean should be taking any of Marius's crap, he's been living right longer than Marius has been alive and he's been looking after Cosette for longer than Marius has even known her, seriously why is he putting up with all this? Is it just to keep Cosette happy? Even ex-cons are entitled to some happiness you know.

Marius has no right to be angry with Valjean, nobody should be punished their entire lives for a petty crime they committed when they were young, and Marius has no right to try and keep Valjean from seeing Cosette. OK so there is the whole deal where Marius still thinks Valjean murdered Javert but like i said before Marius has no right to be angry about that. Marius was the one fighting in the student revolution where i assume he must have shot people, if you ask me he's just as guilty as Valjean is.


Cosette's acting like a dumbass during these pages too, i think i liked Cosette better when she didn't say anything at all, it's preferable to what she's like right now. Although to be fair to her it's not really her fault since neither Marius or Valjean are being honest with her so it's understandable why she acts like she has no idea whats going on around her.
Why don't they just tell her the truth? I think Cosette is smart enough to see the good in people and not solely judge them by their past. She's not bothered by the fact that Valjean isn't even her real father so why would one more thing make any difference!

You know what, fuck it all! I'm too close to the end of the book to keep questioning things. Let it end Victor Hugo, just let it end! Let me move on to another project! Just end my torment!
I'm just joking I've really enjoyed the book actually.

Pages 1110-1144

Marius is alive........Forgive me for not rejoicing but I'm stymied by a lack of caring about him.

Anyway he's alive after months of recuperating from gunshot wounds and i imagine all kinds of infections from being dragged through shit, once he's fit enough he's finally reunited with Cosette and thenValjean and Marius's grandfather agree to their marriage.

This is a little problematic at first since Valjean is still an ex con and if he reveals this then Cosette would not be able to get married to Marius (I'm so glad all this bullshit about social status isn't relevant nowadays), but Valjean is still a smart guy and he manages to fake some documents for Cosette so she's able to get married.
This by the way does FINALLY reveal to Cosette that Valjean isn't her real father, and does she question this? NO! OF COURSE NOT! Cosette, what the fuck girl? You've been calling this guy your father for ten years and when you find out he's actually not you don't even bat an eyelid? What the fucking hell is wrong with you?........Oh why am i even bothering to ask, she hasn't questioned anything before so why would she start now!

I'm gonna skip quickly through the wedding stuff in these pages because there's a lot going on and most of it's not that relevant, Basically Marius and Cosette get married and everyones happy, Mr Thenardier spots them all on the way to the wedding (Les Coincidence!) which is an important bit of info that will come up later. Valjean gives all his money to Cosette and Marius and the two of them move into Marius's grandfathers house and Marius is also obsessed with finding out who saved him from the barricades not realising that it was Valjean all along! Ummmm Marius.....Who the hell else could it be? you and Valjean are the only people who survived the entire thing and you cant figure out it was him who saved you! What the fucking hell is wrong with you! In fact, why hasn't Cosette figured out it was Valjean who saved him either? When Valjean came home all covered in shit that time didn't Cosette wonder why that was? Did she just assume he had taken a detour home through the sewers for fun? This isn't that hard to figure out people! What the fucking hell is wrong with you!

I really feel bad for Valjean during these pages, he goes to such extremes to ensure Cosette's happiness even at the expense of his own, and the stupid girl is too obsessed with Marius to even notice! He fakes an injury to his arm so that he wont be able to sign any wedding documents (because it would be illegal for him to do so since he's been using a fake name for years) which also means that he cant give Cosette away at her wedding. That is so fucking sad! The poor man is trying so hard to make sure Cosette never knows who he really is that he cant even bring himself to walk his little girl down the aisle, i challenge anyone to not find that utterly heartbreaking! Even i thought that was sad, and I'm dead inside.

Things get even more sad after the wedding when during all the festivities Valjean feels like he doesn't belong there and makes an excuse to leave, which Cosette barely notices! Shame on you Cosette, SHAME! This is your father, he's been looking after you for ten years and you barely notice his absence at your wedding, WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!

So whilst Marius and Cosette are busy "getting it on" after their wedding (which thankfully Victor Hugo describes in euphemisms because i really didn't want to read about that!) Valjean goes back to his house where he walks around the empty rooms for a while being all sad and mopey, then he opens up a box he's kept for years which contain the clothes he bought for Cosette when he rescued her from the Thenardiers and he lays them out on her bed and starts crying into them.
At first glance i thought this scene was going to start getting into creepy territory again, but actually..........This was the saddest fucking thing I've ever read in my life! Oh My God i feel so bad for Valjean at this point, his hearts completely broken at losing Cosette! I just wanted to reach into the book and give him a big hug. And i know I've said before that Valjean seems abnormally attached to Cosette but believe me when i say that this part of the book was genuinely sad.

Still i hope not all parents react like that when their children leave home, I especially hope mine didn't! Ugggggh, now that would have been creepy!

Pages 1104-1109

Javert kills himself!

You might have noticed I'm not wild about spoiler alerts in this blog, Come on people it's not like the book hasn't been out for over 100 years or the musical for nearly 30 years! If you don't know the story by now you never will.

So Javert kills himself. Why? because he doesn't know how to comprehend the idea that a convict could become a good man and he doesn't know how to react to having his life saved by Valjean.
What happened to this guy in his life that made him so cold and unfeeling? How can anyone see the world just as black and white, where people can only be law abiders or law breakers, life is not like that at all and to be honest you wont get very far in life if you really believe that.

I really don't understand this bit of the book at all, i didn't understand it in the musical either. Did he really have to kill himself just because Valjean was nice to him? Ummmm Javert, OVERREACTION MUCH!!!
There's no need to kill yourself just because everything you've ever believed in is now suddenly wrong, or because the rules you've tried your whole life to uphold are now suddenly pointless, or because a man you've tried most of your life to put back in prison showed you mercy........Hmmm, actually I'm starting to understand Javerts point of view.

But still it's no reason to throw yourself into a river! What's up with the men in this book, Why do they all take things way too seriously? They all need to have a beer and get laid, that would sort them all out good and proper.

This is all I'm going to say about this part of the book, Javert kills himself and I'm not sad about it. It's not like when Fantine or Eponine died when i actually cared about what they went through. I think it was a stupid thing to do and I'm not gonna grieve for a dumbass who couldn't see past his own stupid view of the world.

Plus Javert was kind of an asshole anyway!

Pages 1076-1103

Oh i have so many problems with these pages.......where do i begin.


I suppose my main problem is the fact that the scene is still taking place in the sewers, this is so fucking gross! Jean Valjean has taken the bleeding and dying Marius into the sewers to escape from the police who will shoot them both dead for being revolutionaries. This is probably the worst place in the world to take a wounded man, can you imagine the amount of diseases you could catch down there? And i still don't even know why he's doing this, not two days ago he was about ready to murder this boy for wanting to shag his daughter but now he's trying to save his life? Why? It's called "Motivation" Victor Hugo, it's an important storytelling tool! use it!


These pages are just Valjean crawling through shit, that's it! him crawling through shit carrying Marius on his back for reasons that are never explained, we do get to see him display almost super human strength again when he has to crawl through a pit of quicksand (I don't know why there's quicksand in the sewer i guess they just had that back then), which is another problem i have with these pages, Valjeans got to be in his 60's at this point and yet he can still carry a full grown man on his back and manage to crawl out of a pit of quicksand. Who is this guy??? Is he a super hero? how is he still that strong at the age he is? How, HOW?????

At one point during all the shit crawling Valjean rests for a while and tries to bandage Marius's wounds, (which is fucking pointless, you're exposing open wounds to human shit!) he also searches him and finds a letter that states that if he's dead then his body should be returned to his grandfather, and then he finds a piece of bread in his pockets...........which Valjean eats. EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
As if this part of the book wasn't already gross enough Valjean actually eats a piece of bread he found in a pocket of a boy he's been dragging through shit! THAT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING!

Ugggghhhhhhhh, I'll try to continue talking about these pages but that's possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever heard, and i ate out of a bin once, i know what I'm talking about.

And by the way, WHO THE FUCK CARRIES BREAD IN THEIR POCKET??!!

Sigh........anyway, moving on! Eventually Valjean finds a way out of the sewers but the way out is locked and even he's not strong enough to break the lock, it all looks hopeless until.........Mr Thenardier shows up in the sewers with a key to open the lock! (Oh my God LES FUCKING COINCIDENCE!!!!) But Thenardier is still a crafty bastard and he tells Valjean (who he doesn't actually recognise, possibly because he's covered in shit!) that he'll only let him out if he gives him half of whatever money is in Marius's pockets, Valjean agrees to this and Thenardier lets him go.

Oh but we're not done yet! Once he's out of the sewer who should he run into? JAVERT!
NO! I'm not gonna say "Les Coincidence" this time, this isn't a coincidence! Javert's a policeman, he was in the area at the time all this was happening, he knew Valjean was still around and he's still hell bent on capturing him, this actually makes some kind of sense!

So even though Javert has Valjean in his grasp he doesn't arrest him then and there (although to be fair why would you even want to touch him he's probably covered in shit!) he allows him to return Marius to his grandfather and then allows him to return home for a moment, (possibly so he can wash the shit off himself!) but after he takes Valjean home Javert then disappears.

Javert! why????? you had him!.......Ah fuck it i don't even care anymore! At least the book has gotten out of the shit at last though.

Pages 1061-1075

Sigh.......You know there have been pages in this book that have been kinda shit, but these pages here are entirely shit!

What do you want me to say?.........i don't even..............how do i??????.............THIS IS ONE OF THE GREATEST NOVELS EVER WRITTEN AND IT HAS 13 PAGES THAT ARE LITERALLY ABOUT SHIT!

I'm not kidding, for some reason Victor Hugo has decided to ignore the tragic loss of young lives and devote 13 pages to the sewers of Paris. Stop Victor Hugo, just stop! take a look at yourself, you're talking about shit!

Why Victor Hugo, why? What were you thinking? What possessed you to include this in your book? People have died Victor Hugo and this is what you cut to? This is not interesting, this is not relevant to anything, I don't want to read about shit! I would actually genuinely prefer to read one of your boring as fuck history lessons over reading about SHIT!

If you think I'm overreacting, I'm really not! grab a copy of the book and see for yourself, he's actually talking about shit. And if you think I'm being vulgar well then just remember that I'm not the one who wrote 13 pages about shit! I'm just reporting on it, i didn't write it. I think it's gross, i didn't want to read about it, i just had too!

How am i supposed to continue with the book now? i have emotional whiplash, i went from being sad about the death of young men to being disgusted at 13 pages of shit. What are you trying to do to me Victor Hugo????

13 pages.........i read 13 pages about shit in one of the greatest novels ever written.


I need to be alone for a while, my worlds completely turned upside down.

Pages 1049-1060

I cant believe how little the student revolution is featured in this book, i had to read 71 fucking pages about a bishop but an actual important historical event is barely featured......Fuck You Victor Hugo!

This is the end for the students now, most of them have been killed and the revolution looks to be a complete failure, Combeferre gets shot and Courfeyrac gets bayoneted to death, Marius is seriously wounded and Enjolras is the only one who has survived so far unharmed, the other lad i mentioned earlier Grantaire has slept through this entire thing because he got totally shit faced the night before. OK.........WHAT was he drinking??? How the hell did he not wake up during this entire thing, I've had my share of hangovers in the past but i can assure you that if there was a revolution happening outside my window i would have woken up! What the crap was in the stuff he was drinking? Was he drinking pure rohypnol?

Anyway....... when the barricades finally fall and the army gets the upper hand the rest of the students decide to just leg it, Marius who is too badly wounded to run away is saved by Valjean who decides to flee in to the sewers......ewwwwwwww! I'll get to that in my next post though.

Enjolras is cornered in a tavern and having no other option he decides to die by firing squad, but not before Grantaire, who has FINALLY woken up (Seriously, was he drinking turpentine???) decides to die with him. This is actually a really noble gesture on his part and it's actually a really sad part of the book, i don't think these boys ever really had a chance at succeeding with their revolution so for these last two boys to die hand in hand is really quite touching. At least they tried though, at least they tried to make their deaths mean something.

I'd like to get serious for a minute if i may, (don't worry it wont happen again) One of the reasons i wanted to read Les Miserables was because i wanted to know more about this student revolution, I really admire anyone who decides to fight for what they believe in so i was really attracted to that part of the story.
It is one of my deepest desires in life to die for something i believe in, why? i don't know, maybe i just want my life to have meant something instead of the pointless waste that it is, it's one of the reasons i tried to join the army when i was younger. To die for something that you believe in is the only way to achieve true immortality, everyone will remember you if your death means something to the world and i want that more than anything.

Unfortunately i don't really believe in anything, except for maybe the whole being gay thing, I'm not sure if it's worth dieing for though. I swear if someone asked me to die for it and if i knew that it would mean something good in the end then i totally would.
The main problem though is that no one has revolutions anymore, they may think they do but all people do now is riot and destroy things just so they can steal new TVs and get fancy new shoes for free, at least that's what they do in England anyway, i cant speak for the rest of the world. That kind of behaviour isn't even worth talking about let alone worth dieing for.
The modern world sucks! nobody does anything that's worthwhile anymore, everyones just lazy and angry. Back when this book was written if you fought for your beliefs it actually meant something, nothing anyone does means anything anymore, i really hate this world sometimes.

Somehow i don't think I'm ever gonna get my chance to die for what i believe in.

Sorry if i got too serious there, this blog was meant to be light hearted but this is something i really do believe in so i wanted to mention it.

Here's a picture of a hippopotamus to balance everything out again.

I like hippopotamuses, they're my favourite animals after unicorns and cats.

Pages 1041-1048

*I take a deep breath in*

SHUT THE FUCK UP VICTOR HUGO! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT AT THIS POINT, YOU'VE GONE COMPLETELY OFF TOPIC DURING THESE PAGES, SERIOUSLY JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!

I'LL SAY IT IN FRENCH IF THAT WILL HELP YOU, FERME TA GUEULE!

FERME TA GUEULE! FERME TA GUEULE! FERME TA GUEULE! FERME TA GUEULE! FERME TA GUEULE!!!!!

JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET BACK TO THE STORY!

 *Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand breathe out!*

Pages 987-1040

I have no idea what to say about these pages.........my mind is totally tapped out today, I'll try to write something coherent but please forgive me if it sounds like a total mess.

So................. Valjean has arrived at the barricades, why? i don't know, no one has explained that yet, Gavroche has also returned to the barricades even though he's a child and shouldn't be anywhere near there, and Javert is still tied up in one of the student hideouts and he and Valjean have a confrontation.

I really don't know why Valjean has gone to the barricades, is he there to confront Marius? he hasn't even spoken a word to Marius yet, if he hates Marius so much why doesn't he just punch him in the face as soon as he sees him? He's not there to confront Javert because he didn't know Javert was even there until he actually saw him there. Is he there to support the students cause? Seriously why is he there???? Does anyone know???

The revolution isn't going so well for the students so at one point Enjolras asks all men who have families to leave because they have responsibilities and he doesn't want them to die, strangely though no one thinks about getting Gavroche out of there, seriously........he's just a kid, there's guns, people are going to die, why does no one seems concerned about this! Wont somebody please think of the children!

It's kind of a moot point anyway since Gavroche does die during these pages. He overhears the other lads saying they're running out of bullets so he decides to go steal bullets off the dead bodies of soldiers they're killed, whilst singing a little song. OK, so you're stealing off dead bodies, whilst soldiers are pointing guns at you and you decide to sing, dude.....i would shoot you, you stupid kid!
So yeah, he gets shot and dies and it's sad and they bring his body inside instead of leaving him outdoors like poor Eponine...... huh charming!

So because Gavroche is dead the lads decide to kill Javert, Valjean asks if he can do this and he takes him outside and instead of killing him he lets him go, Javert tells Valjean he wont give up trying to rearrest him but Valjean still decides to let him go, he then shoots a gun in the air to make it sound like he's killed him.

This by the way disturbs Marius deeply, yeah the boy who merely hours ago was about to blow himself up is shocked by the apparent murder of a man.......Ummmmmm don't be a hypocrite Marius! How is that any worse than what you were about to do, and by the way it was you and your mates who wanted to kill him anyway so why are you so shocked that it's actually happened????

Ugggh, I've given up trying to figure out whats going on in Marius's head!

Yeah so that's it for today, sorry if it's not as detailed as previous posts but like i said my head is totally empty today.

Pages 970-986

The scene has switched from the barricades for a moment to focus on Valjean and Cosette again; they’re hiding in another house for the time being because Valjean is convinced the police are after him, he’s so preoccupied with this that he doesn’t even notice Cosette’s upset about leaving Marius.

That is until he finds a copy of a letter she wrote to Marius, and then he reacts in a very bizarre way, a way I’m not sure is normal for a father to feel.

Basically he reacts as if this is the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to him, losing Cosette to another man is worse than spending 19 years in prison, having to live on the run from police and hiding his true identity, his heart and soul are literally crushed by the idea of Cosette being in love with Marius. Ummmmmm……..Valjean, OVERREACTION MUCH??? Seriously why are all the men in this girl’s life so overly dramatic?

I don’t want to sound harsh but is that really a normal reaction for a father to have? He must have known at some point he would have to let go of Cosette, its inevitable! She’s a pretty young girl she can’t be expected to stay with her father forever. Let her go Valjean, Let her go!!!

I didn’t want to have to say this, but I’m going to…. I think Valjean is abnormally attached to Cosette, in fact it’s pretty much established in these pages that he is, he doesn’t just love her as a daughter, he loves her “as a mother, sister and a wife”…....... UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK VICTOR HUGO, WHAT THE FUCK????!! That is borderline incest right there! Actually you know what, that’s going a little too far, I apologise for that. This is………I don’t know what this is, I’m totally confused by this, this is just borderline fucked up!

And yes I know that Cosette is the only woman that Valjean has ever loved, I get that! I’m not arguing that idea! I just think that Valjeans feelings for Cosette are a little bit weird, it’s not normal for a father to react this way at all! There's a difference between acting like a father and acting like a nutcase.

Anyway…..after Valjean regains his composure he discovers Gavroche trying to deliver Marius’s letter, he reads it and then gets happy because he believes that Marius is going to die and he can then keep Cosette to himself again. Ummmm no Valjean, just no. That’s not right. 

Eventually though he decides to go to the barricades himself, I’m not really sure why he’s doing that at this point but I’m sure it will all be revealed soon.

(I really don't know what Victor Hugo is getting at with the relationship between Valjean and Cosette, there's something about it that just feels a bit off to me, maybe I'm making too big a deal about it though, maybe it is just innocent after all.)

Fuck you Victor Hugo!

Pages 943-969

Marius is a twat; I’m pretty much convinced of that now.

Marius spends some time brooding over Cosette and the memory of his father before he decides to FINALLY join his mates at the barricades, as soon as he arrives he saves Gavroche and Courfeyrac from being shot and then almost gets shot himself but someone else steps in front of the bullet to save him, (can you guess who that might be?) He doesn’t notice this act of bravery though because he’s still obsessed over the loss of Cosette, so much so that at one point when some soldiers try to penetrate the barricades he threatens to blow everyone up using a keg of gun powder! Remember he’s doing this because he thinks Cosette has gone forever, he’s actually contemplating suicide and mass murder because of the loss of a girl. Ummmm Marius…….OVERREACTION MUCH??? Seriously, what the hell? I’ve had my heart broken a few times but I’ve never been so upset that I turned myself into a suicide bomber. Just fucking calm yourself down for a second boy and think about what you’re doing!

I don’t get why Marius is being so dramatic, did it not occur to him at any point to actually look for Cosette? No he just assumes she’s gone forever and goes all suicidal. His friends are fighting for freedom, he’s fighting because he’s lost his girlfriend, Marius is such a twat!

During a break in the fighting Marius discovers who saved him from being shot, it was Eponine. She stepped in front of the bullet and has been fatally shot. But not before some redemption on her part though.

The previous night, before Cosette and Valjean left their house, Cosette wrote a letter to Marius telling him where they were going and asked the first person she saw on the street to deliver it to Marius, this happened to be Eponine, (Les Coincidence!) She didn’t know it was Eponine though because she was dressed like a boy.

Eponine gives the letter to Marius in her final moments of life, and admits that she was in love with him and that she didn’t give him the letter because she knew he would come to the barricades if he thought Cosette abandoned him, and that way she could die with him. She then asks Marius to promise to kiss her after she dies, which she then does. 

This is actually quite a sad moment in the book, probably on par with the death of Fantine. Even though Eponine wasn’t an entirely nice person I don’t think she deserved to die, I especially don’t think she should have died for a man who didn’t even care about her. I think her death is even more tragic here than it is in the musical because at least there Marius actually had some feelings for her, even if it wasn’t love, in the book he just kisses her out of pity when she dies.

Oh and if Marius wasn’t a big enough twat already he basically ABANDONS Eponines body to go read the letter Cosette wrote him! I hate you so much Marius, that’s just low.

So then Marius writes a goodbye letter to Cosette because apparently now he wants to die for his friends cause, even though he now knows that Cosette didn’t leave him. Seriously Marius make up your mind! You wanted to die because of Cosette and now you want to die for freedom……… (Ugggh, you know what I’m so done trying to figure out Marius at this point!)  Then he gets Gavroche to deliver the letter which does redeem him a little bit because he does that to get Gavroche away from the fighting.

Pages 904-942

The student revolution is about to kick off big time so before i go any further i feel i should point out the main players of this event since i haven't yet, and since they're all gonna die soon i think it's only fair that i learn their names first. This lad named Enjolras seems to be the leader, and there's also Combeferre, Courfeyrac and Grantaire. (I have no idea how to pronounce any of those names by the way).
Enjolras is the only one i actually remember from the musical, maybe it's because he's the only one who was actually interesting apart from Marius, actually i didn't even realise the other boys had names, they seemed more like cannon fodder than actual characters.

Gavroche and Eponine are also mixed up in all this too, I think Gavroche is only there because he wants to be involved in something big, he seems very eager to fight even though the other boys don't pay much attention to him because he's only a child and Eponine is of course there because she's in love with Marius. I'll get back to her in a minute though. Marius hasn't arrived at the barricades yet because he's still brooding over the loss of Cosette.
You know Marius was a lot more interesting as a character in the musical, he had a lot more balls anyway! He was ready to fight and die with his mates whereas in the book he's just this lovesick moron who pretty much abandons all his beliefs once he meets Cosette and now that he thinks she's gone forever he only now decides to join the fight. I don't think i like Marius very much, i really thought i would actually, he started off well but his character went downhill once he fell in love, for fucks sake Marius stop being so bloody dramatic, grow some balls and make up your mind, do you want to live or do you want to die!
To be honest I think he's just a coward, and i hate cowards.

Anyway.....Gavroche proves his worth when he spots Javert supposedly working for the students cause, he tells the other lads that he's a policeman and working there as a spy so the other boys tie him up to a post and tell him they'll kill him if their barricades fall.

The lads then spend their last hours drinking and reciting love poems, which isn't a bad way to spend your last moments if you ask me, it's what I'd probably be doing, minus the poems though.
I don't really know a lot about what these boys are fighting for so i don't know if they're incredibly brave or extremely stupid, but i have respect for people who stand up for the things they believe in, it's something I've always admired in people actually.
It must be an amazing and terrifying experience to know that you're most likely going to die soon because of your beliefs.

But anyway i want to mention whats going on with Eponine. At this point in the book we're not supposed to know that Eponine is at the barricades because she's dressed up as a boy so she can fight alongside them, but I've seen the musical so i know it's really her. There's no point pretending Eponine i know whats going on, you cant fool me!
This part actually bugged me a lot in the musical, perhaps it was because in the version i saw the girl playing Eponine was far too pretty to ever be mistaken for a boy so it was totally unbelievable, when i was watching it i just kept thinking that if you're trying to look like a boy you should probably keep your boobs covered!
In the book however Eponine isn't supposed to look pretty, she's supposed to be skinny and ugly so it works a lot better as a plot device.
I think Eponines just lonely actually, her family's gone and even though Gavroche is her brother she barely knows him, Marius is the only person she has left so why wouldn't she want to be with him no matter what the cost, she has nothing else to live for anyway.
Fucking hell I've just realised Eponine has more balls than Marius! at least she knows what she wants anyway!

Les Meow

I probably wont be blogging this weekend so here's a picture of a French cat to tide you over until i return.

Au Revoir!

Pages 844-903

Oh God the young lovers are back, this is quite possibly worse than history lessons.

Marius and Cosette are continuing their tawdry love affair every night in Cosettes garden, nah it's not tawdry at all, it's perfectly innocent. It's too innocent actually.... Marius sneaks into the garden and they just sit together, and talk and look at each other, what the hell guys?? i remember being young and in love and let me tell you, talking was not high on my list of priorities at the time! But no they're both content to sit and look at each other for hours and hours and hours! I GET IT VICTOR HUGO, they're in love! can you pleeeeeeeeeease move on with the story!
Marius is so in love with her he likes to look at her eyes and her feet and bizarrely the "hairs on her neck"????? Yeah that confuses me.....I've never been so in love with a girl that i noticed her hairy neck, does Cosette have a particularly hairy neck? is she a werewolf? That would be an interesting twist at this point in the book!

Their happiness is cut short however when Jean Valjean announces that they have to move to England because it's too dangerous in Paris now that Thenardier has recognised him from the past, i don't think that's his only reason though, all that stuff with Thenardier and Javert happened weeks ago, why is he so worried now? why didn't he move straight away if he was that concerned, i suspect he's using it as an excuse to keep Cosette close to him, he's far too attached to that girl.
Marius is of course devastated and decides he'd rather die than be without Cosette, (Sigh, fucking teenagers are so dramatic aren't they!) Wait, Marius is twenty one........Oh my God stop being so stupid boy and grow some sense!
Eventually he decides to go back to his grandfather to get his permission to marry Cosette, but the grandfather just gives him money and tells him to make her his mistress instead. I've never been to clear about what a mistress is but I'm assuming he means to just keep Cosette for sex and not marry her. Marius is of course disgusted by that suggestion and when he goes back to Cosettes house she and Valjean are gone and he decides he has nothing to live for anymore and goes away to die in the upcoming revolution.


During all this time Eponine has been following Marius at night because she's still in love with him and she stumbles upon her dad and his mates plotting to break into Valjeans house, she decides to stop them by threatening to scream until the police come and that puts the gang off. I'm assuming she's doing all of this because of Marius, it doesn't seem like she cares that much about Valjean and Cosette, honestly the book isn't too clear about her motivations.
I actually feel a bit sorry for Eponine, Marius treats her a lot better in the musical than he does in the book, in the musical i get the feeling he has sort of sibling like affections for her but in the book he totally ignores her in favour of Cosette, guys can be such assholes sometimes!

MEANWHILE! the beginnings of the revolution are starting after the funeral of an important general, apparently he was the only person in power that cared about the people so now that he's dead it gives the students their excuse to start fighting. Jeez finally! I've only been waiting nearly 1000 pages for it!

VIVE LA REVOLUTION!!!!

Pages 812-843

Oh Mon Dieu! We're heading into "Oliver Twist" territory again.

The little street urchin Gavroche is back, (did i mention he was another one of the Thenardiers children? I cant remember if i did or not.) and he's doing the things street urchins do when he runs into two young boys who have no home, and it's at this point i must ask any readers to prepare themselves for perhaps the biggest coincidence of the book!

The two boys are two more of the Thenardiers forgotten children! They were given away to a family when they were little so they don't remember their parents or siblings, one day the parents get arrested (for something i wasn't paying attention to, sorry) and the boys find themselves out on the street, which is where they run into their brother Gavroche, only they have no idea that they're all related.
I have to ask again Victor Hugo, are you sure you don't want to change the name of the book to Les Coincidence!

So Gavroche takes charge of the boys and takes them to live with him inside an elephant. That's right you heard me, He's been living inside an elephant!
I'm not making a word of that up, Gavroche has been living inside a statue of an elephant, i looked it up as well actually there really was a statue of an elephant in Paris at the time of this book, it was called The Elephant of the Bastille, you can google it if you don't believe me.

Oh and Gavroche also helps his father break out of prison during this time, only his father doesn't recognise him because he kicked him out years ago.

These pages have absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the book, They're not bad it's just that they don't further the story at all, it's just another one of Victor Hugos little detours. I'm really getting quite sick of these actually. How many more can there be? There isn't even that much of the book left! I'm starting to think there isn't going to be a revolution at all in this book. 

Fuck you Victor Hugo  >:(

Pages 788-811

Is there anything worse than young love? Actually yes, there is! Young love between two people who don't know each others names or have even exchanged words yet.

Marius and Cosette are still brooding over each other after months of not seeing each other, Eponine finds out where Cosette lives and gives the address to Marius in the vain hope that it will make him love her. Marius uses this info to do the sensible thing and knocks on the door and asks to see her....... oh wait, NO HE DOESNT!! He sneaks into her garden at night to look at her through the windows nearly scaring the poor girl to death in the process!
That's not love Marius, that's called stalking!
He also writes her a 15 page love letter and hides it under a rock for her to find, how he knew that she would look for it there is beyond me, and yes you read that right, 15 pages! fortunately it only takes up 3 pages of this book but holy crap, 15 pages???? Doesnt that seem like a bit much? My God in the past 4 years i haven't even said 15 words to my own mother! How can you write 15 pages about a woman you haven't seen in months, have never spoken too and don't even know the name of? At least Romeo and Juliet had spoken to each other before they went to extremes.

After reading the letter Marius sneaks into her garden again and they FINALLY kiss! and then and only then after months of stalking, brooding and letter writing do they actually ask each others names. Have you ever been so in love with someone you forgot to ask their name?
Actually to be fair it's a lot more realistic how they fall in love in this book than in the musical, there it's more like their eyes meet and BLAM! they're in love instantly! At least in the book it's a more realistic process. It's still sickening though.

I'm dead inside OK, i don't believe in love anymore, don't judge me!!! 

Pages 739-787

Before i begin i feel like i need a recap of the major characters so far...

There's Jean Valjean who spent 19 years in prison and is on the run from Inspector Javert. Mrs Thenardier and Mr Thenardier, the latter of whom fought in the French revolution and saved the life of a Mr Pontmercy. Eponine, the daughter of the Thenardiers who's in love with Marius (the son of Mr Pontmercy), who's in love with Cosette who lived with the Thenardiers for five years before being adopted by Jean Valjean. 
This book should be renamed Les Coincidence! Is it just me who thinks there's far too many coincidences in this book? I'm half expecting to find out that Marius and Cosette are siblings......ugggggh, that's a disturbing thought!

Not much is happening in this part of the book so I'll keep it short.

Basically Eponine wants to fuck Marius, Marius is brooding over Cosette, Cosette's brooding over Marius and Valjean is afraid that if Cosette has fallen in love with someone he wont be the only man in her life anymore and i think any parents and especially fathers reading can sympathise with that, i think all fathers fear the day that they wont be the most important man to their daughters.

That's pretty much it except for a quick flashback of when Valjean and Cosette left the convent, nothing really of interest, Valjean buys a house, Cosette grows boobs, Marius falls in love with her, Valjean trys to keep Marius away from Cosette. Didn't i already read about this a few chapters back, why do i have to hear about it again????? Fuck you Victor Hugo! Now you're just repeating yourself!

OK that's it, Next chapter please!!!

Pages 703-738

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!!!!!!

Ahem......Sorry. That was my reaction when i read the name of this chapter, "A few pages of history" Just so you know Mr Hugo, 35 pages is not 'a few', 35 is a lot!
I cant even tell you what it was about because i have no idea myself, it was something about King Louis-Phillipe........I don't even know who that is!

Perhaps the historic parts of this book might be easier for me to comprehend if my entire knowledge of French history didn't come from the 1998 film "The Man In The Iron Mask", and that film was TOTALLY historically inaccurate, there isn't even concrete evidence that there ever was a real prisoner in an iron mask.........I still liked the film, although i seem to be the only person in the world who did.

Yes i know that has nothing to do with Les Miserables, i was just using it as an example to illustrate i know nothing about France. (Shut up i can take a detour if i want to! It's not like Victor Hugo hasn't done it loads of times so far!)
It also might help if these historic sections weren't so fucking boring! This was the worst part of the book yet, even worse than pages 276-324, and i hated those pages so much!

I'm going to need to see another unicorn to calm myself down :(

Actually you know what, I don't think a unicorn is going to do the job this time.................I need to see something more drastic, something completely bizarre.......................I've got it!

To regain my composure i need to see a picture of Pinky and The Brain performing open heart surgery on Spongebob Squarepants!!!!

(You really can find anything on the Internet)

I feel better now, i think i can continue with the book.

Why do you keep doing this to me Victor Hugo! Cant you just stick to the story? Please stop with the history lessons and just tell me about Valjean and Cosette and Marius and Eponine and Javert and the rest of the characters.

Fuck you Victor Hugo, Seriously........fuck you in the ear! that's right, THE EAR!!!!

Pages 627-702

Wow, it's all starting to kick off now!

Marius is living next door to the Thenardiers but they're going by a different name so he doesn't know that Mister Thenardier is the one who saved his father, (Les Coincidence!) Thenardier meanwhile has been using his daughters Eponine and Azelma to send out fake letters intending to get money from rich people, one of these letters gets to Valjean and Cosette (who are also going by different names) who come to the Thenardiers out of charity to give them money and blankets and stuff. (Oh and neither of them recognise the Thenardiers, but I'll get to that in a minute) Mr Thenardier does recognise Valjean and Cosette though and he makes a deal with Valjean who has agreed to come back later with money for their rent. Thenardier then gets his mates together to attack Valjean when he comes back but Marius has overheard his plan and goes to inform a policeman who turns out to be.....................JAVERT!!! (LES COINCIDENCE!)

When Valjean returns later that night Marius watches the entire scene unfold through a hole in the wall and he overhears Thenardier use his real name which sends him into turmoil about whether he should help Valjean whose daughter he's in love with or Thenardier who saved his fathers life.
Eventually Javert steps in and arrests everybody except Valjean who manages to escape before he's recognised by him.


This has actually been some of the most entertaining pages in the book for a while, all the characters involved, all the tension and all the drama makes it a fun read as opposed to the history and backstory that I've had to contend with for ages. This book would be so much more awesome if Victor Hugo would stick to telling stories like this more often, this was good stuff, this was entertaining, i cared about what was happening during these pages, I cared about what would happen to Valjean and which choice Marius would make, i even felt a little bit of sympathy for the Thenardiers which was odd for me since i despise them! I even thought it was cool when Javert reappeared, and i don't even like Javert.
This is the kind of thing that makes a good book Mr Hugo, THIS! Stop trying to educate me with history lessons and just entertain me!

There is one thing that bothers me though, i cannot believe that neither Valjean or Cosette recognised the Thenardiers, Valjean can maybe be excused for not knowing who they were initially because he didn't spend a lot of time with them, but Cosette has no excuse! She lived with them for most of her childhood, they abused her every day, surely that kind of thing stays with someone throughout their life, she was terrified of these people and now she doesn't even recognise them after only 8 years. No, I don't believe that for a second. If this book was accurate Cosette should be lying on the floor in a foetal position pissing herself with fear right about now.
And yes I'm sure that there probably wasn't a lot of research going on back then into the after affects of child abuse so Victor Hugo probably didn't consider that kind of thing when he was writing this story, but from my point of view i definitely think that a child would still remember her abusers after a relatively short amount of time.
It's not a big deal really, but it did distract me from an otherwise great part of the book.

Pages 619-626

I have absolutely no idea what these pages are about, it's almost like Victor Hugo shoved a short story about darkness into the book for no reason.

I think it's relevant to whats coming up in the plot, it's something about underworld gangs in Paris and the darkness of your soul and how we should fill the underworld with light.......


Yeah...so....i think I'm going to need to see another picture of a unicorn.

Much better! I think i can focus on the story again now!

Pages 603-618

This is only a short bit of the book but i want to mention it anyway because my two favourite characters are back. Yay!

Marius likes to take walks in parks and he keeps seeing an old man and a young girl in the same place every day, (could this be Valjean and Cosette? I think it is! they came back sooner than i expected) Marius doesn't think much of them at first but after two years of this....(Seriously, they go to the same place every day for two years?? Christ i would get bored after a month) Marius suddenly finds the girl to be beautiful...... Hmmmm, I wonder what could have happened to Cosette in two years that makes her suddenly attractive to men? BOOBS! SHE'S GROWN BOOBS! THAT'S WHATS HAPPENED TO HER! You're a little perv Marius!
I should point out now that some time has passed in the book and Cosette is about 15 now and not a little girl anymore so it's OK for Marius to like her, even though he is 20..... it was a different time, it's all good!

Anyway the two youngsters keep exchanging glances but they never talk to each other and sometimes Marius is too shy to even look at her that he hides behind trees to watch her, and when he finds out where she lives he watches for her outside her windows. OK, what's up with all the men in this book!  can they all please STOP watching this girl when she doesn't know about it, it's creepy!
After a while though Valjean gets suspicious of Marius always looking at Cosette and one day when Marius goes to her house he finds that they are both gone.

Is there anything worse than young love? It's so sickening. Seriously Marius if you like this girl then make a move, stop watching her like a stalker and say something to her you dumbass. Or at least do the honourable thing and ask her fathers permission to court her you coward.
I think this aspect of the story was handled a lot better in the musical version......well faster at least.
I'm not really sure whats going on in the book at the moment and why Valjean and Cosette have disappeared, it's a lot different from the musical so far. I'm sure I'll find out soon enough though whats going on.

Oh my god I've just realised I've passed page 616, which means I'm officially halfway through the book now!

Pages 555-602

This book doesn't seem to be moving anywhere right now, it's sort of stuck in character development hell at this point. Fuck you Victor Hugo!

Marius is poor and living on his own now (in the same building where Valjean and Cosette lived for a while, Les Coincidence!) and he's made some new friends, student friends....uggh, there's no one i hate more than students. Oh well at least i know they're all gonna die soon!

These pages are mostly just character descriptions of the students which is a little boring, I'm not gonna go into great detail about them but basically they're all young and they want to change the world. (God i miss being young and being able to think like that).
I found these guys much more interesting in the musical actually, perhaps it's because i didn't have to read every single detail about them like i do in this book. Come on Victor Hugo, let's get back to the actual story instead of just introducing more characters, you're good at storytelling but you insist on taking detours every single page!

The rest of the pages are dedicated to describing the poverty of Marius and these pages actually pissed me off a little. It's not Marius that pissed me off so much as how Victor Hugo went about describing his situation. First of all, i grew up in poverty so i know it sucks, but i also know that the poor don't like to be patronised and i felt incredibly patronised reading this part of the book. Victor Hugo writes about Marius's suffering like it's a great thing, like poverty makes you strong and that it builds character. I really hate it when people think like that, having "character" is overrated, i doubt there's a single poor person in the world that wouldn't trade in their "character" for money and security! I don't really like being talked down too by people who have no idea what they're talking about, maybe Victor Hugo did suffer in his life, maybe that's what he's relating to us, but don't make out poverty to be something cool that you should suffer through to become great, it rarely works out like that anyway.
It's not that i mind Marius's situation being included in the book, it's just that i already read about the plight of the poor ages ago, her name was Fantine and her story was done a lot better than Marius's.

I cant really seem to concentrate on anything today so that's all I'm gonna say about these pages, I'll just add a final note though, i saw this trailer for the first time last night and i honestly got a shiver up my spine when i saw it.

I think this could be worth a watch! It's not coming out until January though in England :( God! why would they tease us with a trailer so early!!!! And why is Cosette blonde??? Cosette's not fucking blonde! Apart from that it looks awesome, i cant wait to see it.