I Hate You Laura Kalpakian

So I finished reading "Cosette: The sequel to Les Miserables" yesterday. What did I think of it I hear you ask? Hmm......well I think it's safe to say I didn't like it! I don't want to review it though, that would be giving it too much credit, instead I've decided to tell the author exactly how i felt about it.

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Dear Laura Kalpakian,

You don’t know me, but I really fucking hate you. I hate you because of the piece of shit sequel you wrote to Les Miserables. Believe me I would have hated you anyway for daring to write a sequel to Les Miserables in the first place, but the fact that the book happens to be a complete pile of shit makes it easier to hate you. (I assume shit is your favourite word by the way seeing as you used it about 20 times a chapter in your book. Seriously, learn a new word.)   

I could hate you purely on the grounds that your book was badly written, or that most of it was just a shameful rip off of Victor Hugo's novel, (You might not know this Laura, but a sequel is not supposed to be a carbon copy of the original, it’s supposed to be a continuation of the story) or I could hate it just because I find it offensive that someone other than Victor Hugo thought they could write a sequel to his most famous book. 

But actually, I find I hate you for more personal reasons. I hate you because you hurt someone I care about. Yes she may be fictional, but I really care about Cosette and when I see her life getting totally fucking destroyed it pisses me off. Victor Hugo may have pissed me off with his endless detours, but I’ve never felt as much hate for an author as I did when I read your book.

I would really like to know why you chose to hurt Cosette the way you did. Had she not already suffered enough for you in Les Miserables that you thought the rest of her life had to turn to shit as well?

Why would you make her feel ashamed about her past? So much so that she would be terrified of Marius finding out about it. Why would you have Marius admit that when he first met Cosette he sometimes just wanted her body more than he loved her? Thanks a lot for shitting all over Victor Hugo’s innocent love story! You really have no idea how those two felt about each other do you? Why would you make Cosette have a miscarriage? Why would you let her get shot? Why would you make her think her husband was dead for months on end? Was it not enough that she’d lost her father you had to make her suffer the loss of Marius too? Why did you turn her son into an ungrateful little shit who betrayed his family? And why in Gods name would you have her son marry the daughter of Azelma Thenardier? In fact why the fuck did you have to bring any of those evil cunts back anyway? Was that necessary? Their story was finished, and you didn’t even get Azelmas personality right. (Or the spelling of her name either you idiot, if you’re going to rip off Victor Hugos work at least have the decency to learn the characters names.)

Speaking of which, what the fuck was the point of all those references to Victor Hugos other works you included in this book? They were just stupid. A word of advice Laura, don’t try to be "Meta" unless you’re witty and clever enough to use it properly you idiot.

What possessed you in the first place to write a sequel to Les Miserables? I’m genuinely intrigued by that. Les Mis is a work of art; the book you wrote is a piece of shit. I don’t even want it in my house now that I’ve finished with it, it’s not worthy of going on my bookshelf next to Les Mis. I want to burn it so that there’s one less copy in the world.

Reading this book made me feel like someone I love was being tortured right before my eyes, it hurt me to read it and I hate you for making me suffer because of it. I hate you for destroying the life of someone I care about.

You clearly have no respect for any of the characters in Les Mis, especially Cosette; otherwise I don’t believe you would have done half the horrible things to her as you did. I don’t understand why anyone would want to hurt her. You don’t know what she means to me, you don’t know what any of the characters in Les Mis mean to me.  I love them, even the ones I hate I still love them because they’re all part of something better than themselves. Victor Hugo was able to make me feel like that because he knew how to write a fucking novel, he knew how to make you care about someone, even if they are fictional. You clearly have no idea how to do that because all you are is a writer of bad fanfiction! Which actually I think is an insult to fanfiction since I’ve read many fanfics that were far superior to your piece of trash, but those writers weren’t so big headed as to think they could pass their stuff off as a sequel you rank arrogant amateur!

Seriously Laura Kalpakian, do yourself a favour and never write another novel. I haven’t read you’re other books and I’m never going to, I don’t need to. At best this piece of trash you wrote made me feel indifferent, at worst it made me feel like I wanted to kill you. It was pointless of you to write it and it’s even more pointless to read, I can only take solace in the fact that I’m not the only person in the world that hates this book, a quick Google search confirms that the majority of people who have read it agree that it’s a piece of shit.

OK, i think you've taken up enough of my time and energy now. It gives me great pleasure to say that I shall never speak of this book again. It's not worthy of it, it means less than nothing to me. You mean less than nothing to me as well Laura, so in the spirit of this blog I’m going to close this letter by simply saying this...

Fuck you Laura Kalpakian, Fuck you!

Regards,

Brandon