So I finished reading "Cosette: The sequel to Les Miserables" yesterday. What did I think of it I hear you ask? Hmm......well I think it's safe to say I didn't like it! I don't want to review it though, that would be giving it too much credit, instead I've decided to tell the author exactly how i felt about it.
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Dear Laura Kalpakian,
You don’t know me, but I really
fucking hate you. I hate you because of the piece of shit sequel you wrote to
Les Miserables. Believe me I would have hated you anyway for daring to write
a sequel to Les Miserables in the first place, but the fact that the book
happens to be a complete pile of shit makes it easier to hate you. (I assume
shit is your favourite word by the way seeing as you used it about 20 times a
chapter in your book. Seriously, learn a new word.)
I could hate you purely on the grounds that your book was
badly written, or that most of it was just a shameful rip off of Victor Hugo's
novel, (You might not know this Laura, but a sequel is not supposed to be a
carbon copy of the original, it’s supposed to be a continuation of the story)
or I could hate it just because I find it offensive that someone other than
Victor Hugo thought they could write a sequel to his most famous book.
But actually, I find I hate you for more personal reasons. I
hate you because you hurt someone I care about. Yes she may be fictional, but I
really care about Cosette and when I see her life getting totally fucking
destroyed it pisses me off. Victor Hugo may have pissed me off with his endless
detours, but I’ve never felt as much hate for an author as I did when I read
your book.
I would really like to know why you chose to hurt Cosette
the way you did. Had she not already suffered enough for you in Les Miserables
that you thought the rest of her life had to turn to shit as well?
Why would you make her feel ashamed about her past? So much
so that she would be terrified of Marius finding out about it. Why would you have
Marius admit that when he first met Cosette he sometimes just wanted her body
more than he loved her? Thanks a lot for shitting all over Victor Hugo’s
innocent love story! You really have no idea how those two felt about each
other do you? Why would you make Cosette have a miscarriage? Why would you let
her get shot? Why would you make her
think her husband was dead for months on end? Was it not enough that she’d lost
her father you had to make her suffer the loss of Marius too? Why did you turn
her son into an ungrateful little shit who betrayed his family? And why in Gods
name would you have her son marry the daughter of Azelma Thenardier? In fact why
the fuck did you have to bring any of those evil cunts back anyway? Was that necessary?
Their story was finished, and you didn’t even get Azelmas personality right. (Or
the spelling of her name either you idiot, if you’re going to rip off Victor
Hugos work at least have the decency to learn the characters names.)
Speaking of which, what the fuck was the point of all those
references to Victor Hugos other works you included in this book? They were
just stupid. A word of advice Laura, don’t try to be "Meta" unless you’re witty
and clever enough to use it properly you idiot.
What possessed you in the first place to write a sequel to
Les Miserables? I’m genuinely intrigued by that. Les Mis is a work of art; the
book you wrote is a piece of shit. I don’t even want it in my house now that I’ve
finished with it, it’s not worthy of going on my bookshelf next to Les Mis. I want
to burn it so that there’s one less copy in the world.
Reading this book made me feel like someone I love was being tortured
right before my eyes, it hurt me to read it and I hate you for making me suffer because of it. I hate you for destroying the life of someone I care about.
You clearly have no respect for any of the characters in Les
Mis, especially Cosette; otherwise I don’t believe you would have done half the
horrible things to her as you did. I don’t understand why anyone would want to
hurt her. You don’t know what she means to me, you don’t know what any of the
characters in Les Mis mean to me. I love
them, even the ones I hate I still love them because they’re all part of
something better than themselves. Victor Hugo was able to make me feel like
that because he knew how to write a fucking novel, he knew how to make you care
about someone, even if they are fictional. You clearly have no idea how to do
that because all you are is a writer of bad fanfiction! Which actually I think
is an insult to fanfiction since I’ve read many fanfics that were far superior
to your piece of trash, but those writers weren’t so big headed as to think
they could pass their stuff off as a sequel you rank arrogant amateur!
Seriously Laura Kalpakian, do yourself a favour and never
write another novel. I haven’t read you’re other books and I’m never going to, I
don’t need to. At best this piece of trash you wrote made me feel indifferent,
at worst it made me feel like I wanted to kill you. It was pointless of you to
write it and it’s even more pointless to read, I can only take solace in the
fact that I’m not the only person in the world that hates this book, a quick Google
search confirms that the majority of people who have read it agree that it’s a
piece of shit.
OK, i think you've taken up enough of my time and energy now. It gives me great pleasure to say that I shall never speak of this book again. It's not worthy of it, it means less than nothing to me. You mean less than nothing to me as well Laura, so in the spirit of this blog I’m going to close this letter by
simply saying this...
Fuck you Laura Kalpakian, Fuck you!
Regards,
Brandon
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