It’s really easy to criticise something isn't it? Even when
you love it. It's fun too! So in the spirit of criticising (and the fact that i havent posted anything new in ages) I’ve decided to compile a list of
eleven things that piss me off about Les miserables. (Why 11? Because Spinal Tap are awesome, that’s why). I’m keeping this
restricted to things from the novel and the 2013 movie by the way because if I
went through every single adaptation there’s ever been I would be here all night,
believe me it was difficult enough cutting it down to just eleven things!
11: Casting Russell
Crowe as Javert in the 2013 movie
(Since this particular topic
has been mentioned by just about every critic since the movie came out I’m
putting this one last because I think everyone has made the point already).
Anyway, It continues to boggle my mind why Russell Crowe was cast as Javert. I’ve nothing against the guy personally, he’s a decent enough actor….I think, actually I’ve not seen enough of his movies to judge him properly. My point is he clearly can’t sing! I didn’t really notice it the first time I saw the movie, but after seeing it 20 times in the cinema I really started to notice it and it continues to grate on me every time I watch it on DVD. Surely the first thing you need to do when casting a musical is to find people who can actually sing, it’s a musical for fucks sake!
Was the decision to cast him based solely on star power? Because I can understand if that was the case, sometimes you do need to cast big names to sell a film, but then again surely Les Miserables was well known enough already for it to sell on its own name? I think this will continue to confuse and annoy me until I get a proper explanation from someone.
Anyway, It continues to boggle my mind why Russell Crowe was cast as Javert. I’ve nothing against the guy personally, he’s a decent enough actor….I think, actually I’ve not seen enough of his movies to judge him properly. My point is he clearly can’t sing! I didn’t really notice it the first time I saw the movie, but after seeing it 20 times in the cinema I really started to notice it and it continues to grate on me every time I watch it on DVD. Surely the first thing you need to do when casting a musical is to find people who can actually sing, it’s a musical for fucks sake!
Was the decision to cast him based solely on star power? Because I can understand if that was the case, sometimes you do need to cast big names to sell a film, but then again surely Les Miserables was well known enough already for it to sell on its own name? I think this will continue to confuse and annoy me until I get a proper explanation from someone.
10: Fantines hair
OK I admit that this is just a minor grievance but I was really disappointed at the end of the 2013 movie when Fantine reappeared and she didn't have her long hair back. I thought the whole point of Fantine returning was to show that she’s sent from heaven? Or perhaps I’ve just totally misunderstood that whole ending. I just think it would have been nice to see Fantine looking healthy and happy again, just to show that she did make it to heaven and she’s been restored to her former self again. That what I envision heaven to be like anyway, I think you get to go back to your happiest time.
OK I admit that this is just a minor grievance but I was really disappointed at the end of the 2013 movie when Fantine reappeared and she didn't have her long hair back. I thought the whole point of Fantine returning was to show that she’s sent from heaven? Or perhaps I’ve just totally misunderstood that whole ending. I just think it would have been nice to see Fantine looking healthy and happy again, just to show that she did make it to heaven and she’s been restored to her former self again. That what I envision heaven to be like anyway, I think you get to go back to your happiest time.
9: Cosettes hair
Since I’m on the subject of hair I’m adding this one as well. Why the hell
was Cosette blonde in the 2013 movie? Cosette’s not supposed to be blonde!
Fantine’s supposed to be blonde, that was the whole point of Fantine! Didn’t anyone
even read the fucking book! I’ve nothing against blondes but it just pissed me off when I heard Cosette was going to be
blonde and it still pisses me off!
8: The endless
detours from the plot in the novel
Oh sweet Jesus, those fucking detours from the plot in the book…..WHY??????
WHYYYYYY???? I think if you’ve been paying attention to this blog you already
know how I felt about the endless detours from the plot. The one that seemed to
piss me off the most though was pages 425-450. I don’t mean to be disrespectful
to nuns or religion or anything but that whole stupid chapter about the convent
Valjean ends up working in was for me one of the worst parts of the book. Oh
and lets not forget those other stupid detours like the history of Parisian
sewers either! Was it really necessary to put that chapter after the deaths of
all the students? I got emotional whiplash from the sudden change in direction
at that point in the story.
7: That stupid
graveyard scene from the novel
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DON’T MAKE ME RELIVE IT! If you don’t know what I’m talking about I go into detail about it
here This chapter was quite possibly the stupidest thing I read in the
whole novel, or actually in any novel for that matter! The novel was going so
well up until that point and then all of sudden it just jumps the shark into
complete absurdity. But I don’t really want to relive the stupidness all over
again so go read my original blog post about it if you’re curious.
6: Valjeans reaction to finding out about Marius in the musical
So if you were a father to a teenage girl and you’d just learnt that your daughter was secretly in love with a boy you had no idea about do you think you would take the news as well as Valjean did in the musical? I mean specifically how he seems to immediately accept Marius as the son he never had. Seriously, has any father ever reacted that well to learning about his daughters secret boyfriend in the entire history of the world? I would think the normal reaction would be to want to punch the guy in the face for messing about with your daughter, but no! Valjean loves the guy instantly.
I imagine that his reaction has something to do with time constraints in the musical, there’s only so many things you can cram into the time slot, even though it’s already longer than time itself, but still I just find it ridiculous how Valjean is so quick to want to rescue Marius. At least in the novel he broods over it for some time and almost decides not to save him, that actually makes more sense to me than it does in the musical.
So if you were a father to a teenage girl and you’d just learnt that your daughter was secretly in love with a boy you had no idea about do you think you would take the news as well as Valjean did in the musical? I mean specifically how he seems to immediately accept Marius as the son he never had. Seriously, has any father ever reacted that well to learning about his daughters secret boyfriend in the entire history of the world? I would think the normal reaction would be to want to punch the guy in the face for messing about with your daughter, but no! Valjean loves the guy instantly.
I imagine that his reaction has something to do with time constraints in the musical, there’s only so many things you can cram into the time slot, even though it’s already longer than time itself, but still I just find it ridiculous how Valjean is so quick to want to rescue Marius. At least in the novel he broods over it for some time and almost decides not to save him, that actually makes more sense to me than it does in the musical.
5: The Thenardiers in
the musical
I’ve had a problem with the Thenardiers ever since I saw the musical for the first time, I just can’t believe someone had the balls to take two disgusting child abusers and turn them into comedy. I appreciate the fact that the musical needed some light-heartedness to it, but I just have such a problem with that. I think a lot of people who have seen the musical don’t really realise just how horrible they’re supposed to be in the novel and I find that quite upsetting. For that reason I don’t feel like talking about them any more than necessary, I think they’re horrible and that’s all I’m gonna say about that.
I’ve had a problem with the Thenardiers ever since I saw the musical for the first time, I just can’t believe someone had the balls to take two disgusting child abusers and turn them into comedy. I appreciate the fact that the musical needed some light-heartedness to it, but I just have such a problem with that. I think a lot of people who have seen the musical don’t really realise just how horrible they’re supposed to be in the novel and I find that quite upsetting. For that reason I don’t feel like talking about them any more than necessary, I think they’re horrible and that’s all I’m gonna say about that.
4: The first 71 fucking
pages of the novel
Oh yes! Don’t tell me you didn’t know this one was coming! If you’ve read
this blog already you’ll know how much I hated the first 71 fucking pages in
the novel. Oh God why???? Why did we have to have 71 pages telling us how
awesome the bishop is? Surely ten to twenty at most would have been sufficient
enough to praise the crap out of him? Yeah I get the fact that he’s a good guy
and the story wouldn’t have happened without him, but 71 pages was too much!
3: Valjean telling Marius about his past in both the novel and the musical
Here’s another Valjean moment that pissed me off. I still cannot understand
why Valjean took the risk to his life and Cosettes by telling Marius everything
about his past. I’m mostly concerned with why he would take such a risk with
Cosette more than anything actually. If Valjeans main purpose in life at that
point was to keep Cosette safe and happy then why would he risk that by telling
Marius everything about his past? He essentially told Marius that Cosette
wasn’t a bourgeoisie at all and in fact she’s the illegitimate daughter of a
whore. He didn’t know how Marius would react to that news, for all he knew he
could have told Cosette to fuck off and never come back, or he could have
turned Valjean into the police right there. Why did he risk everything? I don’t
get it. Marius is one of the upper classes and things like illegitimacy were
kind of a big deal back then! I just don’t think it was fair of Valjean to risk
Cosettes future just to clear his conscience.
Unless….. Hang on; bear with me a second because something has just occurred to me….. Is it possible that it was Valjeans plan all along for Marius to dump Cosette when he found out and that’s why he told him everything, so that he could keep Cosette with him? Thinking about it, that actually makes a lot of sense in the context of the musical because he told Marius before he married Cosette and not after, meaning Cosette wouldn’t have been disgraced if he had dumped her. OH MY GOD THAT THEORY HAS BLOWN MY MIND! Am I being a total genius right now, or am I just overthinking it?
Unless….. Hang on; bear with me a second because something has just occurred to me….. Is it possible that it was Valjeans plan all along for Marius to dump Cosette when he found out and that’s why he told him everything, so that he could keep Cosette with him? Thinking about it, that actually makes a lot of sense in the context of the musical because he told Marius before he married Cosette and not after, meaning Cosette wouldn’t have been disgraced if he had dumped her. OH MY GOD THAT THEORY HAS BLOWN MY MIND! Am I being a total genius right now, or am I just overthinking it?
2: Cosettes idiocy
Oh Cosette, you’re a sweet girl but dear God in heaven you’re an idiot! I’ve
said this before but I’ll say it again, Cosette isn't a character that things
happen to, things just happen around her and she remains totally oblivious to
everything going on and that really pisses me off about her. I really love her
as well, but seriously that girl is so stupid for not knowing whats going on
most of the time that it actually becomes ridiculous after a while.
I absolutely refuse to believe that Cosette is as dumb as she appears to be, especially when it comes to her childhood. There is no way that an eight year old girl would not remember being made to suffer through six years of abuse, especially since it’s been the majority of her life at that point in the novel.
I don’t really think it’s Cosettes fault, I just think it’s the way she was written and the time the novel is set. I think Victor Hugo didn't know a thing about child psychology and he really dropped the ball in writing Cosette. She would have been a much better character if she acknowledged the stuff she went through as a child and they showed her dealing with it.
I just think there’s a good story in her about a girl who has suffered terribly and has no idea about where she comes from or who she is, and making her just a generic ingĂ©nue is a real disservice to her character. I also think it's a real disservice to any children that have ever suffered abuse, if you've ever been a victim of abuse i think you'll know that it's not something that can be so easily forgotten about.
I absolutely refuse to believe that Cosette is as dumb as she appears to be, especially when it comes to her childhood. There is no way that an eight year old girl would not remember being made to suffer through six years of abuse, especially since it’s been the majority of her life at that point in the novel.
I don’t really think it’s Cosettes fault, I just think it’s the way she was written and the time the novel is set. I think Victor Hugo didn't know a thing about child psychology and he really dropped the ball in writing Cosette. She would have been a much better character if she acknowledged the stuff she went through as a child and they showed her dealing with it.
I just think there’s a good story in her about a girl who has suffered terribly and has no idea about where she comes from or who she is, and making her just a generic ingĂ©nue is a real disservice to her character. I also think it's a real disservice to any children that have ever suffered abuse, if you've ever been a victim of abuse i think you'll know that it's not something that can be so easily forgotten about.
And the number one
thing that pisses me off the most about Les Miserables is………………………………………….
1: MARIUS FUCKING PONTMERCY (Yes that is his
middle name by the way, you have to read the book pretty carefully to find it
out, but it’s there I assure you!)
Oh there are so many reasons why Marius pisses me off so
much, to be honest I could have done a list of reasons why I hate him.
I think the main reason he pisses me off so much though is the fact that he’s a poor little rich boy pretending to be someone he’s not because he thinks living poor is somehow a noble cause, it’s really not noble in any way when at any time all he can do is just go home to his grandfather, apologise and live the rest of his life in a big house with his inheritance. That doesn’t make him cool or some kind of rebel for disobeying his family, it just makes him a twat!
Also lets not forget that he thinks he’s being some kind of hero by joining in the fighting with his friends but really the only reason he even joins the fighting in the end is because he thinks his girlfriend is gone forever. He was about ready to abandon them all as soon as he got a glimpse of Cosette which clearly shows that his heart was never really in the rebellion anyway if he was willing to give it all up for a pretty blonde. Those are not the actions of a hero; those are the actions of a fucking idiot.
And remember as well that in the novel he’s kind of a creepy stalker towards Cosette, for ages he watches that poor girl from behind trees and then climbs over her garden wall at night to look in through her windows, that’s not romance, that’s a criminal offence in most countries! Oh and what about poor Eponine, yeah I know I don’t really like her very much but she still deserved better than the treatment she got from Marius!
I could probably talk for days about how much I hate Marius fucking Pontmercy, but I think if you’ve already read this blog you’ll know how much I despise him. He’s a twat, and I know he’s only a fictional character but he seriously aggravates me!
I think the main reason he pisses me off so much though is the fact that he’s a poor little rich boy pretending to be someone he’s not because he thinks living poor is somehow a noble cause, it’s really not noble in any way when at any time all he can do is just go home to his grandfather, apologise and live the rest of his life in a big house with his inheritance. That doesn’t make him cool or some kind of rebel for disobeying his family, it just makes him a twat!
Also lets not forget that he thinks he’s being some kind of hero by joining in the fighting with his friends but really the only reason he even joins the fighting in the end is because he thinks his girlfriend is gone forever. He was about ready to abandon them all as soon as he got a glimpse of Cosette which clearly shows that his heart was never really in the rebellion anyway if he was willing to give it all up for a pretty blonde. Those are not the actions of a hero; those are the actions of a fucking idiot.
And remember as well that in the novel he’s kind of a creepy stalker towards Cosette, for ages he watches that poor girl from behind trees and then climbs over her garden wall at night to look in through her windows, that’s not romance, that’s a criminal offence in most countries! Oh and what about poor Eponine, yeah I know I don’t really like her very much but she still deserved better than the treatment she got from Marius!
I could probably talk for days about how much I hate Marius fucking Pontmercy, but I think if you’ve already read this blog you’ll know how much I despise him. He’s a twat, and I know he’s only a fictional character but he seriously aggravates me!
So congratulations Monsieur Pontmercy, you are the number one thing that pisses me off about Les Miserables!
